Riley, your "Face of Jealousy" is honestly super amazing, and creative! The modern twist, the narrator, all of it was exciting to read. So, the only suggestions that I can think of is possibly going into more detail as to why her sisters, secretly, don't like her. They've grown up together and have done everything together, so what changed and made the sisters decide they want to bully her, and even go so far as to murder her? Likewise, I'd love to see you go into depth with the ending, and how Cupid/Luke pretty much assists with Paige/Psyche's end. Despite Paige/Psyche having a good heart as stated by Cupid/Luke, was she not worthy of being saved because of it? It could always be a reference to how the good continuously get the bad end of the bargain! Either way, it'd definitely be cool to see more of Cupid/Luke and that ending because it caught me off guard! In a good way! Anyway, it was an amazing retelling!
Riley this was such a great job with this story. I read it on your blog and it was an even better read the second time through. Knowing the twist made me read it different and it was still as enjoyable and fun to read. I like the layout of your website right now I like that it sets up an atmosphere like we are going into a shady club or a mysterious entrance where we are not sure what will happen but the unknown is also very tantalizing becoming us to go in even deeper. The first page is a little lacking for me personally right now but I think as you continue to write more stories more will come to you. I am really excited to continue to read more stories from your portfolio. I think the ending of the story was so sad and unexpected and I really wanted the girl to be happy and it is so sad that her sister would be so selfish to kill just because they are upset and just showed how horrible that they really were.
Wow, your website and story really introduced itself so well! This might be really specific, but the way that your pictures on the site, as well as the font/boldness/design of your title and homepage really caught my eye. I felt like it was read aloud to me in a way that caught me off guard. I say this because I have found other sites to be a lot more subtle in their homepages and go all out during their stories and introductions, but with the deep red colors and bold text, I feel like you caught attention right off the bat! The story also held very well, as it was just as good, if not better, than the site itself! I really liked how you introduced dialogue in a lot of important areas, and I felt like it was extremely easy to follow along with the plot and setting throughout your story. I felt like I was there, with the girls, listening in to everything that was being said. Bravo!
Hi Riley! I can confess that i am impressed with you story "Face of Jealousy" and your creativity. I like the modern twist and how you hide the identity of the narrator until the end. This story is very deep, the ending was sad and unexpected. I wish it had a happy ending where Paige ended up staying with Luke. It's sad to see how far jealousy can take you to do ugly things, like killing your own sister. I like how you described the setting too. And by introducing dialogue between the personage it allows me, the reader, to feel like I was part of the story. I can also tell you that you did a great use of pictures, someone standing on top of a cliff shows how tragic can be a death from looking down. Also, the face of jealousy image was well chosen, it show that anger someone have when jealous. Very great job retelling this.
I read your story, "The Face of Jealousy". The idea of jealousy being a real person as our narrator and our villain was pretty cool. I liked the idea of placing your story in the context of a modern relationship that is being recounted at the party. The voice of the narrator was interesting. However, I wonder if it's entirely necessary. For me, he interrupted the flow of the story more than adding to it. I wonder if making the interruptions a bit less wordy would help with that.
I'd love to see a bit more description as to what exactly goes down as the face of Jealousy is revealed to the sisters. Is there magic happening or is this just an artistic description of Jealousy taking hold? If not magic, why is the sister so jealous that she murders her sister? Why do the sisters bully our hero in the first place? They grew up together and were close.
Overall, you have a great start to this story. The twist and framing are interesting. I would just like to see more explanation as to why these things happen. It all felt a bit unmotivated.
I absolutely loved looking at your portfolio! I think the style and layout is really nice looking! I read the story "The Face of Jealousy," and I really really enjoyed it! The modern setting made this story really relatable to read. I also think your choice of narrator is SO unique! I can tell that you have a very active imagination as your writing is so creative and unique! I would love to see a little more explanations about specific actions made by the narrator, I think a little extra description could really push this story to the top!
You did a fantastic job on your stories, especially the "Face of Jealousy." What I liked most about that was how you incorporated an old folktale story between two fictional characters of the past and apply it to a modern storyline with the main characters of this story being in 2009 (which I guess can be considered a while ago, but I'll say it was recent to keep me feeling young). In addition, the way that you depicted the story was in a way that was highly enticing and informative. I can tell by the way you wrote the story that you've had experience writing, as it almost felt like I was reading from a book! In terms of the website itself, I enjoy the minimalistic outline that allows for ease of access for the readers to navigate through to read the stories! I look forward to reading more from you in the near future.
You did such a good job with "The Face of Jealousy." I read Cupid and Psyche and I loved how the core elements were the same but the story itself was retold in almost a reversed manner. The point of view that you used in which the narrator was talking to the reader was very creative and also helped us understand certain plot elements that we might not have without the dialogue. This story took a lot of twists and turns, and I certainly didn't expect the ending! To begin, I really liked how you were able to show the character's personalities and let them shine through in the dialogue. I could tell Paige was down to earth and I assume thats how you intended for her to come off. One thing I might have liked to see is a bit more interaction between the other two sisters so we knew what they were thinking and feeling. I wonder, did they plan to kill her the whole time? What was the other sister thinking while Harriet was dragging her? Just so we can have a bit more perspective, maybe consider a more ominescent point of view. I really enjoyed reading this and will definitely come back for more of your stories. Good work!
I aboszultley loved reading your story, "The Face of Jealousy." First off, your title of the story is creative and very intriguing for a reader to see. The title alone made me excited to read your story. I am one of three sisters, so I enjoyed reading about the three sisters and one of the sisters getting jealous that two of them have boyfriends. How did you come up with this story? What motivated you to set the story in 2009, which really is not that long ago. I thought it was a great story and was written really well. I personally loved it and it made me happy reading it because it reminded me of my family in a way. Great job. I loved reading your story and looking at your portfolio. Everything looks great.
Riley, your "Face of Jealousy" is honestly super amazing, and creative! The modern twist, the narrator, all of it was exciting to read. So, the only suggestions that I can think of is possibly going into more detail as to why her sisters, secretly, don't like her. They've grown up together and have done everything together, so what changed and made the sisters decide they want to bully her, and even go so far as to murder her? Likewise, I'd love to see you go into depth with the ending, and how Cupid/Luke pretty much assists with Paige/Psyche's end. Despite Paige/Psyche having a good heart as stated by Cupid/Luke, was she not worthy of being saved because of it? It could always be a reference to how the good continuously get the bad end of the bargain! Either way, it'd definitely be cool to see more of Cupid/Luke and that ending because it caught me off guard! In a good way! Anyway, it was an amazing retelling!
ReplyDeleteRiley this was such a great job with this story. I read it on your blog and it was an even better read the second time through. Knowing the twist made me read it different and it was still as enjoyable and fun to read. I like the layout of your website right now I like that it sets up an atmosphere like we are going into a shady club or a mysterious entrance where we are not sure what will happen but the unknown is also very tantalizing becoming us to go in even deeper. The first page is a little lacking for me personally right now but I think as you continue to write more stories more will come to you. I am really excited to continue to read more stories from your portfolio. I think the ending of the story was so sad and unexpected and I really wanted the girl to be happy and it is so sad that her sister would be so selfish to kill just because they are upset and just showed how horrible that they really were.
ReplyDeleteHi, Riley!
ReplyDeleteWow, your website and story really introduced itself so well! This might be really specific, but the way that your pictures on the site, as well as the font/boldness/design of your title and homepage really caught my eye. I felt like it was read aloud to me in a way that caught me off guard. I say this because I have found other sites to be a lot more subtle in their homepages and go all out during their stories and introductions, but with the deep red colors and bold text, I feel like you caught attention right off the bat! The story also held very well, as it was just as good, if not better, than the site itself! I really liked how you introduced dialogue in a lot of important areas, and I felt like it was extremely easy to follow along with the plot and setting throughout your story. I felt like I was there, with the girls, listening in to everything that was being said. Bravo!
Hi Riley!
ReplyDeleteI can confess that i am impressed with you story "Face of Jealousy" and your creativity.
I like the modern twist and how you hide the identity of the narrator until the end. This story is very deep, the ending was sad and unexpected. I wish it had a happy ending where Paige ended up staying with Luke. It's sad to see how far jealousy can take you to do ugly things, like killing your own sister. I like how you described the setting too. And by introducing dialogue between the personage it allows me, the reader, to feel like I was part of the story. I can also tell you that you did a great use of pictures, someone standing on top of a cliff shows how tragic can be a death from looking down. Also, the face of jealousy image was well chosen, it show that anger someone have when jealous. Very great job retelling this.
HI, Riley!
ReplyDeleteI read your story, "The Face of Jealousy". The idea of jealousy being a real person as our narrator and our villain was pretty cool. I liked the idea of placing your story in the context of a modern relationship that is being recounted at the party. The voice of the narrator was interesting. However, I wonder if it's entirely necessary. For me, he interrupted the flow of the story more than adding to it. I wonder if making the interruptions a bit less wordy would help with that.
I'd love to see a bit more description as to what exactly goes down as the face of Jealousy is revealed to the sisters. Is there magic happening or is this just an artistic description of Jealousy taking hold? If not magic, why is the sister so jealous that she murders her sister? Why do the sisters bully our hero in the first place? They grew up together and were close.
Overall, you have a great start to this story. The twist and framing are interesting. I would just like to see more explanation as to why these things happen. It all felt a bit unmotivated.
Hey Riley,
ReplyDeleteI absolutely loved looking at your portfolio! I think the style and layout is really nice looking! I read the story "The Face of Jealousy," and I really really enjoyed it! The modern setting made this story really relatable to read. I also think your choice of narrator is SO unique! I can tell that you have a very active imagination as your writing is so creative and unique! I would love to see a little more explanations about specific actions made by the narrator, I think a little extra description could really push this story to the top!
Riley,
ReplyDeleteYou did a fantastic job on your stories, especially the "Face of Jealousy." What I liked most about that was how you incorporated an old folktale story between two fictional characters of the past and apply it to a modern storyline with the main characters of this story being in 2009 (which I guess can be considered a while ago, but I'll say it was recent to keep me feeling young). In addition, the way that you depicted the story was in a way that was highly enticing and informative. I can tell by the way you wrote the story that you've had experience writing, as it almost felt like I was reading from a book! In terms of the website itself, I enjoy the minimalistic outline that allows for ease of access for the readers to navigate through to read the stories! I look forward to reading more from you in the near future.
Hi Riley,
ReplyDeleteYou did such a good job with "The Face of Jealousy." I read Cupid and Psyche and I loved how the core elements were the same but the story itself was retold in almost a reversed manner. The point of view that you used in which the narrator was talking to the reader was very creative and also helped us understand certain plot elements that we might not have without the dialogue. This story took a lot of twists and turns, and I certainly didn't expect the ending! To begin, I really liked how you were able to show the character's personalities and let them shine through in the dialogue. I could tell Paige was down to earth and I assume thats how you intended for her to come off. One thing I might have liked to see is a bit more interaction between the other two sisters so we knew what they were thinking and feeling. I wonder, did they plan to kill her the whole time? What was the other sister thinking while Harriet was dragging her? Just so we can have a bit more perspective, maybe consider a more ominescent point of view. I really enjoyed reading this and will definitely come back for more of your stories. Good work!
Hi Riley,
ReplyDeleteI aboszultley loved reading your story, "The Face of Jealousy." First off, your title of the story is creative and very intriguing for a reader to see. The title alone made me excited to read your story. I am one of three sisters, so I enjoyed reading about the three sisters and one of the sisters getting jealous that two of them have boyfriends. How did you come up with this story? What motivated you to set the story in 2009, which really is not that long ago. I thought it was a great story and was written really well. I personally loved it and it made me happy reading it because it reminded me of my family in a way. Great job. I loved reading your story and looking at your portfolio. Everything looks great.